The Dardenne Family

The Dardenne Family

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Forever Changed

We've been home almost two months now. I've had lots of time to reflect on what happened with our journey to Ukraine and what we term as an "unsuccessful trip". I have grieved the loss of the child I thought would be ours. I've experienced great bouts of guilt over leaving Nina in an orphanage when we could have made such a difference in her life. I've been depressed about the lengthy, time-consuming, expensive process we've just gone through only to be back to "square one". Sometimes, I've just been plain mad! But as I've experienced all these emotions, God has been faithful to me through it all. He's given me peace and comforted me as I've grieved. I still don't understand it all, and I realize that I may never. I know that God loves Nina much more than I ever could, and he has a perfect plan for her life. He has a plan for my life too that's better than anything I could ever dream up for myself. I can honestly say, despite all the grief and the tears, the anger and frustration, the depression and guilt, I wouldn't change the opportunity to have visited a Ukrainian orphanage and to have met little Nina. My life will be forever changed because of it, and that's a good thing.

Even on the plane ride home, Rodney was encouraging me not to give up. He said he still believes we're supposed to adopt. Our child just wasn't in Ukraine. After taking some time to process the roller coaster ride we'd just been on, we decided to pursue the adoption of a child right here close to home. We've begun the process to be approved to adopt or foster-to-adopt through our state. There are so many children right here that need forever families. We've started some initial paperwork and done some required training. There's still more paperwork and of course medical exams and a home study, etc. Only God knows what he has planned for us, but we're trusting him to reveal it to us. In the meantime, stay tuned for chapter two of our adoption adventure.


Kathy and Matt said...

I'm so glad I stopped by your blog today and read this latest post. I've been wondering how you've been doing.

I'm happy you're pursuing new adoption opportunities and that you are seeking God's direction. He will keep giving you clarity.

I'll continue to keep you in my prayers.

Donna and Michael Lebsack said...

So glad to see your posting again. Our hearts are with you and we wish you all the best on this new adventure.

adoptedthree said...

How exciting to begin a new chapter in your lives. It is so hard to forget the children.

My DH and I had to turn down to perfectly healthy older boys once which was completely heartbreaking. I so wondered what their fates would become and somehow God was able to let me know what happened to each (both adopted) so Nina may find her family one day and you will know it was all okay.

MamaPoRuski said...

Continuing to pray for your adoption journey! So glad God has shown you your next path! God Bless!

The D'Antuono Family said...

I just stopped by your blog to see wha tyou have been up to. We, too, have returned from the Ukraine without a child. I have also just begun the process of foster/adopt in the US. I am starting a new blog soon, as the next step in our journey begins. I will be praying and following along as your family walks the same path. Good luck. Feel free to email me if you would like to
Regards, Kristina

Melanie said...

Hi~ Just found your blog from another blog :) We too turned down a referral for a child in Ukraine before we went on our 2nd appt and found our 2 children that God had for us. It was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced in my life. Your honesty on your blog is very refreshing and you are an amazing couple to pursue adoption even after all the difficulties you have been through...I can't wait to follow along and see the precious child that God has for your family!
God Bless You!
Melanie Hall